Love Can Come To Everyone

I made a split second decision to head to the beach tonight. My windows rolled down and the summer wind rushing past my skin was enough to convince me to miss my turn home.

When I arrived there, all I could do was look up at the stars. I still haven't been able to get used to how many you can see here on the East End--and I don't want to. I got out of my car and sat down on a long wooden bench and just stared up toward the sky.

But then I started to think about my week...my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad...but victorious and amazing week (which I will write about this weekend).

Instead of getting caught up in my own feelings about it, I decided to focus on the calm surrounding me.
For the first time in awhile I really took it in: "Wow, look where I am. Look where God's brought me. You may be at the edge of all you know Shaye, but the world continues."

At this point a chill ran down my spine. "Thank you, God. How could I ever, ever take this for granted?"

I live in such an inspiring and beautiful place, and God knew the desire of my heart and brought me here. "Thank you, God."

The second I ended my thought, a shooting star streaked across the sky directly in front of me, as if God were hearing me and responding with another gift.

When I got back into my car to finally go home, I turned my iPod back on and the Ink Spots's "The Best Things in Life" came on and I laughed because I could not believe it.

"The moon belongs to everyone

The stars belong to everyone

The best things in life are free

They gleam there for you and me

The flowers in spring

The robins that sing

The sunbeams that shine

They're yours, they're mine

And love can come to everyone

The best things in life are free"

And you know what else is free?

God's loving grace.

My Side of the Bargain

It's been nearly six years since I began seriously following Jesus...and it has be a phenomenal six years. I won't recount every blessing he's bestowed upon me because they're too numerous and too BIG to write with my useless little words.

But what I can say is that my love for Him has grown stronger and hasn't waned. God, no matter how far I push myself away from him in sin and disbelief, always comes for me. His arms never close to me.

His blessings have been overflowing since I took a small leap of faith in November 2010 and January 2011. Overflowing -- meaning never-ending, surprising and overwhelming. I've been brought to the place where I'm supposed to be, and I can say that with not an ounce of doubt. How many people can say that they are where they're supposed to be? How many can say they are exactly where God wants them?
I count myself extremely blessed for being able to say and know that I am. I feel spoiled by my Father.

But now that I've reached this place and I've begun a new life, one He's given to me, I'm beginning to feel...ready.

What for?

I'm not sure. But my question to God is, "What will you have me do?"

I've always said I was ready to do God's will for my life -- but it wasn't until Friday that I started getting a burning in my chest to do good for God...whatever that means.

Friday I drove in to New York City to go to The Gate, Times Square Church's youth meeting. The sermon was about how God is good, all the time, through all our sorrows -- a very hard concept to grasp when bad things are happening all around us. He reminded me that God wants to do good toward us, he delights in us. He loves us.
And again, I was reminded that the reason we are here, the point to life, is to love one another and share God's love with others...to do good to others.

It hit me then, "what am I doing with my life?" Day in and day out, I worry and worry and work and work, but what am I doing for God? What am I doing in the grand scheme of things?

In the end, none of what I worry about matters. Everything is of Him and for Him. I am literally nothing without Him... I am weak and scared, but only through Him I have found strength and confidence. When I go after His heart, everything falls into place. He provides all I need.

I realized that night that I haven't been reaching out to others...and it is time. Maybe it wasn't supposed to happen until now. Maybe I had to get to this place where I am relatively stable and have some ground here.

What will you have me do, Lord? It's time to fulfill my side of the bargain.

God, help me. I'm so weak.

Thank you for coming to me through her song, Lord. Thank you for telling me you're here, through whatever this is. God I need you. Please continue to meet me. Please help me climb out of this. Please Lord, I have such sorrow in my soul...I don't know why. Please help me carve it out.